DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
