If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
