I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
