Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
