Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
