Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize