the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
