I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
