we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
