matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
