There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
