I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
