It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
