I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
