PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
