no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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