Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
