u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
