I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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