i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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