he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
