My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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