you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
