my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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