you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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