there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
