Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
