Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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