My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
