Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
