I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
