Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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