You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
