guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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