if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
