He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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