The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
