Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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