this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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