you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
