we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
