he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
