Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
