I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
