He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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