saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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