she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
