you turned your livingroom into a bong?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
