if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
