Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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