OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
