eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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