I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
