there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone signed my nipple.
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