I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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