dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
