apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize