Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
