im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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