I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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