Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
