Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
