Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
