Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
