I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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