I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
