I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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