just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
this is an emotional support booty call
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me