i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.